I haven't been writing lately. The previous post was futile, and I haven't been exactly my best self this past year. I am going through counseling for a sickness which my psychologist says could either be depression or bipolar or borderline. I just can't get the exact diagnosis yet with the amount of money and effort of really going to a psychiatrist.
It has greatly affected me in the past year since a breakdown, and I have made drastic decisions that ruined relationships ( KEVIN, this is you. I am sorry) and ruined me also. I knew that there was something wrong since a few years ago ( I mean since I was 17) but I kept on putting it aside and with all the pressure and crisis, it caught up to me now.
And this blog holds a lot of those thoughts and even if this stood for long, I just want to be better.
I don't want to be posting all the sad details of my life.And since nobody checks this page now, I have come to a decision to just pull a clean slate. I am most probably leaving this blog, I am not quite sure yet, but as of the moment I have my head wrapped on making a new one, something that will not reflect the immaturity and the chaos that has been contained here. Something that is bright and happy.
I know that the persona here is who I am deep inside, but my nature has now become a monster to myself. I cannot continue to tolerate the stubbornness and the demons inside my head, and so I must try to make my life look brighter and functional.
My new blog is at Grey - Skied Sailing , if you guys still wanna check me out there.
I haven't placed something up yet.
You must be wondering why I decided to keep the banner name when I said I wanted to let this blog go. The thing is, when you look it up over the Internet, my new blog and this would both come up, and they're both mine. I still want to own this part of me because I know one day, I will look back at this and actually feel glad at how I surpassed this period.
I am not ashamed of this side of me, I just don't want it now.
I want to be better.