Sunday, April 17, 2016

Last Post

I haven't been writing lately. The previous post was futile, and I haven't been exactly my best self this past year. I am going through counseling for a sickness which my psychologist says could either be depression or bipolar or borderline. I just can't get the exact diagnosis yet with the amount of money and effort of really going to a psychiatrist.

It has greatly affected me in the past year since a breakdown, and I have made drastic decisions that ruined relationships ( KEVIN, this is you. I am sorry) and ruined me also. I knew that there was something wrong since a few years ago ( I mean since I was 17) but I kept on putting it aside and with all the pressure and crisis, it caught up to me now. 
And this blog holds a lot of those thoughts and even if this stood for long, I just want to be better. 
I don't want to be posting all the sad details of my life.And since nobody checks this page now, I have come to a decision to just pull a clean slate. I am most probably leaving this blog, I am not quite sure yet, but as of the moment I have my head wrapped on making a new one, something that will not reflect the immaturity and the chaos that has been contained here. Something that is bright and happy. 

I know that the persona here is who I am deep inside, but my nature has now become a monster to myself. I cannot continue to tolerate the stubbornness and the demons inside my head, and so I must try to make my life look brighter and functional. 

My new blog is at Grey - Skied Sailing , if you guys still wanna check me out there. 
I haven't placed something up yet.
You must be wondering why I decided to keep the banner name when I said I wanted to let this blog go. The thing is, when you look it up over the Internet, my new blog and this would both come up, and they're both mine. I still want to own this part of me because I know one day, I will look back at this and actually feel glad at how I surpassed this period. 
I am not ashamed of this side of me, I just don't want it now.
I want to be better.


Good luck!

Bee

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Life Update

Good day everyone!
It's been awhile since I wrote here. I have been meaning to write but life happened, and it swept me off in a blur before I could even put down the words for each moment. I'm on my finals week right now, and thought I could steal a bit of my 'pretend study' time, and update here.

Over the past months, a lot of things happened, mostly the good. It must have been a refund for a good friend I lost over a misunderstanding. It still aches my heart looking back at the years of correspondence and friendship, which I thought was strong enough, but then, of course people have to move on their lives and for new people to come in, you have to lose some.
That person mattered to me, and if you're reading this, I hope we can fix what we lost.

People come and go, and during the time where I was let down by a lot of people I've trusted, I'm still thankful to have found home in an organization I am now volunteering for,
I'm now a part of an international organization which caters to intercultural exchanges, so basically, me along with other volunteers support and help out exchange students that are housed in my city.
At first, I wanted to go out of my comfort zone, because I am limiting myself to all the good things I can do, and the good things that can happen to me. Several months after, I've found real friends that understands me and my issues in life, structural damage "I need counselling" type of shit. I've learned more about other culture, I've learned to spend money more on travel than on the small stuff I hoard, and I am living life more these days. Add to that a 1AM pizza night with a potential lover, which well ultimately  did not work out. But still, everyone has a role to play in our lives.



Anyway, I am having a difficult time uploading pictures so I'll just spam on my next post.


Much love,
Bee





Thursday, April 16, 2015

New blog banner! + explanations of ze new elements

Aloha! 

After three and a quarter years, I finally have a quite presentable banner. Phew! Took a few tries to put it up because I only noticed the small glitches on alignment after I have published the photo. 
I wasn't planning on changing my banner, or if I was, I kept on putting it off, because I wanted to commission a friend to do it. 

Luckily today, as I was scrolling through peoples' blogs, I came across a post that suggested on checking out www.canva.com. It's a site that allows you to be creative, with fonts,and lay-outs and templates that are readily available, some for free, and some would charge only for a dollar.  So this makes me a seemingly legit graphic artist, or whatevs. I'm just so happy, I'm finally having a change of banner. And a change of elements on the banner,too. 

I was thinking about changing 'Grey-skied Sailing" because it sounded too melancholic, as it is associated by rain. And, I have always loved the gloominess of everything, but since that has started to be my perspective. I've been pretty negative about everything. I always find ways to see the glass as half-empty, (although, scientifically speaking, it is full!). But then, changing it would be troublesome,as I have kept it for 3.25 years already.










This was my first attempt at making the banner. I got this all wrong because I didnt have the proper dimensions for a banner. So, I made another one again. I thought about keeping this original look, but then there are so many things that I wanted to include too. Like rained-on windows (still preserving the 'grey-skied' point eh), coffee,feathers.. So, I thought, why not make a banner that has it all? 




Tadaaaa! And here it is!!! 

I picked the rained-on window with sparkly lights in it's background, because if you wanted to see me sit mesmerized and lost, you'll just need to put me before sparkly lights,city lights,christmas lights. I dig them all! I'm a moth,after all. 

The next one here is the black coffee in a white mug. Doesn't it look so relaxing and classic? 
Well, I enjoy black coffee to a point that I would have it for breakfast,snacks,lunch,snacks,dinner,midnight snacks,dawn, 
I always am looking for a good mug of coffee. 

Next, colored feathers.
Well, I'm born in the year of the rooster,and I like chicken (that's like cannibalism), so I guess it's fitting. Hahaha nah, but really, I like how feathers are portrayed as freedom. 
I'd like to free myself with my inhibitions,insecurities and sadness,and just let go. So I have that there.

Lastly, dream-catcher.
Well, dream-catchers are said to catch dreams (circular reasoning), and traps the bad ones, so only the good ones passes through. 
I only want good dreams. 
And,I only want good things in life. 
Sure as Thetys would put it "For your glory walks hand in hand with your doom", I'd like to brew more of the glory and bask in it. 

Oh and by the way, the social media icons doesn't work. Or I don't know how to use them as a hyperlink that would direct to my accounts, so I just removed them. 

I hope everyone is having a blast!
It's summer here, and I don't have summer classes, I'm basically just hibernating in this very,very warm weather. 

XO,
Bee

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

On love

I usually plan on the updates I post and that stops me from grabbing my laptop to type away all these dark,sad hurricane of feelings that I am feeling right now. But this feels like a busted dam.

Yes, I have been down lately, but I also had bright days which I chose to not tell anyone, because that's the person I am, ( I am doing well in my organization, a little more of awkward still,and a tad more nerdy. Academic majors are shitty, but I have done well in impressing my Religious study teacher. I've received several awards/certificates in creative media and writing which is ironic because I have nothing to boast with Accounting.)

I have always been in the middle of want and ought, and in that tiny place of finding myself, the days would stop, and I am hanging in a life void of gravity. Unfeeling and weightless.
Tonight isn't one of my anti-gravity phase. Tonight is when gravity screwed my feelings, when I think about it rationally this is probably hormones, and gravity doesn't have anything to do with people falling in love, and crashing into mutilated hearts in love (which I should point one, no one would volunteer to pick up and put back in one piece).

My blogger heroine once mentioned that sadness is a part of her DNA, and I too feel the same way. There always is a missing piece somehow, and even though I know what it is, I constantly deny myself to recognize that it is love. Why? Because I think it's shallow, I think it's signing up to a death sentence with several trips to insaneville because you constantly lose yourself in the process of being with someone. It's crazy! It's repulsive, and here I am writing incoherently about this thing (even if I am extremely grossed out at this).

Love is that annoying,sticky feeling you get when you sat on grease. It's loathsome, it's paralyzing. It's a disease! You cry in the middle of the night because you miss someone you haven't talked to in months. You miss that someone who made you love him with his personality, and that makes you either a trusting romantic or a wacko who wants to be murdered by a machete-yielding monster.
But nah, you trusted that person so much his name sounds like the bells on Christmas morning.
And here you are crippled with nostalgia, and all you can do is write about this silly feeling on your still-to-be-organized blog, because there isn't anywhere you can scream this out,


The saddest thing is; even if you try looking for comfort from other people, it will never suffice.
It always is that one person, that missing puzzle piece.
Until then, you stare sadly on that empty spot, or you try to complete a new puzzle.
Until then.... the puzzle is unfinished.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Power Perfect Pore | Review

Helen had the face that launched a thousand ships, while modern-day women, well uhh, we’d rather meet our deadlines and fulfill our dreams while looking fresh, don’t we?
The world has a lot of problems already to become the modern-day Helen, so we try to be our best while we look our best.

I’m certainly one of those ladies who tries to look my best while I’m being harassed by my accounting subjects, by my efforts don’t always pay. 
I get tired getting up in the morning to wash my face at an early hour, or removing make-up is a tedious process that I rush through the essentials and my face ends up dry (although clean, but still dryyy) as I hit the sack.

Luckily, to make me giddy and thorough with my skin care routine, I found this beautiful baby at a trusted online shop and bought it! The package arrived after 2 days (along with a Thai radish soap which I will review next), and gosh I could only squeal.

Wanna know what this beautiful baby is?
Keep reading J


POWER PERFECT PORE is a 4-in-1 batery-operated face care system unit that helps clean, exfoliate, and revitalize the skin. It has 4 functions which are: Exfoliation, Cleansing, Removal of blackheads/whitehead, and Face contouring.
This little machine comes with a stand, and houses 4 interchangeable cups/brushes for the users to use. And while that is organized enough for me, I had a few issues with this product.


PACKAGING: 4/5



The package came in a medium-sized box, which wasn’t exactly sturdy at all. If it was dropped by the courier or if it got piled under other packages, it would’ve been squished and possibly broken.
The upside in the packaging would be the stand that holds the cups and the main unit together. If you’re the type of person who doesn't keep your stuff in one place, or if you are, this works well for you in the organization department.


The cups are made of hard clear plastic and has indention to exactly fit in the depressions inside the main unit where you attach it (much like the attachment mechanism of a juice blender glass to its body). The suction cup is the only cup without an indention but suffices with a push n' secure threading.



This machine comes in this particular two-shade combi only. The main unit is in cornflower blue, while the cups are in purple.

FUNCTIONALITY

EXFOLIATION BRUSH:

The exfoliation brush has medium-length, soft bristles that aren’t too harsh on the skin. As my roomie told me I have a thin skin, if my face was as fair as my thighs, green and blue veins would show up and that’s creepy! Considering my thin skin, I have to be very careful with the exfoliation process. There are times that I exfoliate with a loofah and it stings like I rubbed chili on my face! The exfoliation brush of this machine is just sweet for me because it’s soft and the bristles aren’t sharp. Though, If I’d have my way, I want the bristles to be short and the brush to be wider for more stability to the brush.
                               
CLEANING SPONGE:

This is the same as any other cleaning sponge, the only thing is that it rotates. This feature doesn’t have an impact on me cleansing-breakthrough-wise. The only thing about it is that it rotates. If that makes you a more gadget-fan than ever.

FACE SUCTION CUP:

My blackheads doesn’t show up that much, and pimples don’t come my way until that favorite time of the month *sarcasm*. And if it these bane of existence show up, my pores aren’t too large for a suction to get them out! That is to say, this feature didn’t work on me, or that it doesn’t work on me because my pores are considerably tiny for it to work its magic. That is a compliment! Haha. But it would’ve been better if it did work, right?  (Maybe I should try using it when I have a pimple. Eew?)
The suction cup really has a vacuum mechanism but it isn’t too strong for the dirtheads to surrender. I’d like to believe though, that it’s getting out oil from my face. lmao

CONTOUR MASSAGER:

I have no idea if it was good or not, since I haven’t had any contour massage experience to compare it to.  The only thing about it is that if you press it to your face with more force, the cup budges and stops rotating. Not a lot of comment about this. ^__^

MIST TECHNOLOGY:


                     I couldn't figure out at first how to make this work so I dismissed it until my roommate pointed out that you have to keep it on for the mist to spritz a minute amount of water. This feature makes me sad. There isn't enough pressure to catapult an amount of water to your face.
This product can live without this feature to be honest. And I can very much wet my face myself. Thank you.

PRICE: 5/5
I bought this product at P200 via an online shop sans the shipping fee. That is a fair exchange especially with the multi-functionality of this product.



ooo


Over all, I’d rate this product as a 3.5/5. I wish the suction and massager worked well for me, but lah. I don’t have much deep-seated issues with my face so I can live with it.  

Do you also have Power Perfect Pore cleanser? How did it work for you? Or if you know a cleanser that works better, you can leave a link on the comment section below. J

Love,
Bee XO




PS. 

An obligatory selfie of a newly-cleansed face! :D
I've been using this Thai radish soap plus and so far it's very effective. I love it very much! 
Review would be posted this week, my memory card got corrupted so I have to start all over.


Now, you have to excuse my just-woke-up swollen eyes and the pimple scars.











Saturday, December 27, 2014

December

Two weeks ago, my brother asked me over the phone about my whereabouts during the Christmas break. I told him I’m staying at my rented place, and I’m not going home.
He told me it’s difficult being alone during Christmas season, I told him I’m not the type of person who misses people a lot.
So far, I've fared well being alone. I don’t talk much to my housemates, so I’m always locked up in my room reading or watching Letters to Juliet for the umpteenth time and reawakening the inner romantic in me. Oh, how I wish I could love like that!

I have already prepared a small feast for myself on New Year, and I decided to try making some Japanese dishes, and bought a bottle of sangria. A housemate (that I don’t really like) found out about my bottle of alcohol and told me sarcastically I was ‘sosyal’
I’m not aware of the exact English translation but it means something like rich and classy,socialite, Paris Hiltonesque. 
Probably because I have wine in my rented room, which blows her mind. It was very offensive, but lah, she doesn’t have a say on how I celebrate New Year. Let’s get drunk on cheap wine!


It’s also almost midterms, and I haven’t visited my counselor since the start of term. 
Moving out of my old place actually took a lot of the sadness I have in me. I’m alone right now but I don’t actually feel as weighed down as compared to being with the folks. 
That also is the reason why I never returned there since I moved out. I don’t swallow back what I already spat out, and because I’d like to keep my sanity intact. 
I never felt lonely being alone, well until a few minutes ago at dinner. I realized that sometimes eating a festive meal alone could actually make you sad instead of happy. While I opened the roasted chicken my emotion just instantly dropped. It’s happier to share your food with the people you care about. 
There are times that I get lonely too, but I like to keep my pride, so I’ll just blame the hormones for that. It’s the last week of the month, I could just be pmsing. 

Too lazy to really write about the stuff that happened in December. So here's some captioned photos instead! Photos aren't edited and watermarked too. I trust you guys anyway! And I'm doing poorly in maintaining this blog. Shame. 

With the Central Student Government Commission on Audit Chief and my co-auditors during the YSEALI symposium at the university. Some people from the US Embassy came by and promoted the YSEALI movement to young leaders.
Of course, every event has a photo booth! (Top photo L-R: Ralp Darryl, Jefferson, Boss Shaula, Me and Jannah)

The dance party at the soccer field during the culmination night of the Xavier Festival Days! This was taken with my phone so apologies for the quality! I forgot my cam that day. 
Attendees to this party approximated 5000 people! The biggest party in the city evaar!

JPIA Christmas party decoration. I loved it!



Fireworks display during the XUFD dance party. Taken with Ana's phone. It's an extremely decent smartphone. *bow* Mine sucks! *slams on the wall*



Have a Happy New Year everyone!
I wish you luck, prosperity, love life, and good health in 2015! 

Xo,
Bee

Friday, December 12, 2014

Of choco balls and contact lenses

Aloha! Let's start this post with Therese's judging glare. Why? Because this post will be 95% eyes, and 5% chocolate. Nah, don't bother finding the logic in that sentence. 

So, we just had the most awesome Xavier University festival days, it's literally the best I had in 4 years! But, I won't be blogging about that today, because that takes a lot of time to edit photos, and edit words, and gosh I'm a lazy bum with hectic schedule delusions. I only have three subjects this semester and loves sleeping in. 



Anyway, talking about the 95%, few days ago I bought a prescription lens, and the optometrist had to check my eyes again because I can't wear lenses immediately sans doctor's advice because of my lovely astigmatism.
A few Snellen's letters later, I finally had my lenses, in brown! You should know I've regretted this the first two days.


These lenses measure 13.7 in diameter, and took me 30 minutes to put in. 30 minutes, that is, if I haven't given up for later.
It was immensely uncomfortable (first timer here!), and it seemed like it was too big for my small Asian eyes, because I could feel the edges on my sclera! Eek!!



Let's pause for the 5% since I started talking eye parts.
I just received my paycheck for my government internship. Wow, it took awhile! Well, government. And as usual, it goes to my savings box. But looking at it got me worried, expenses grow, there's inflation, and how do you grow your cash that lies hidden in your bookshelf?!
This is number 1 sign of growing old and alone. FINANCES.

I started a micro-business and leisure that involves chocolates. I make munchkins and consigns it to my friend's burger stall. Let's not talk about the ROI yet.



Back to the 95%, here are some selcas with the lenses that would fill your mind of me until Christmas! Lol

PHOTO SPAM!!!







Since 95% + 5% is 100%, and I couldn't prove otherwise, the following photos are strangers in this post. I'm posting them here nevertheless because I can. *laughs*

In my first paragraph, I mentioned about Xavier days and these are photos of me and my fans (evil laugh) being photographed in a photobooth.





Xavier Days ground party vids and photos, and XUFD posts will hopefully be up when school vacation starts.


Advance happy holidays everyone!
(Hey, that's the only Christmas song that gives me goosebumps)

Love,
Bee